The Big Trip, part 2: Disney World! (cont. again)

[Same warning to anti-Disneyites as last time.]

Friday: For our last day at the park, we went back to the Magic Kingdom. There were still quite a few rides we thought Owen would enjoy that we hadn't gotten to on Wednesday, plus we had missed Splash Mountain. This time, we were up early and got there for the park opening with all the characters arriving on the train. Owen loved it. Once the gates opened, we promptly boarded the train to Frontierland. We got to Splash Mountain so fast the line was still reading ten minutes, so Mom, Patrick and I rode first, then took Owen to play on the little Laughing Place tots playground under the train station while Dad and Eric rode. I have to say that is one of the best ideas Disney has had - a toddler play space adjacent to the ride they can't go on! - and they really need to find a spot to put one by Space Mountain too. He was thoroughly entertained for the 15 minutes we had to kill while Dad and Eric were on the ride.

After that, Eric had to make a quick stop in the shooting arcade. Then all of us except Patrick went in to the Country Bears, while he took the tickets to try to get Fastpasses for Haunted Mansion (he said that the lighting design in Country Bears is so bad he can't watch it). Did Owen love the Country Bears? Oh yes indeed he did. He was convinced the moose on the wall was talking to him. "Moose! Owen!" has been one of his stories ever since.

Patrick met us outside with the news that Haunted Mansion doesn't do Fastpasses but had no line anyway, and that he had got passes for Pooh Bear instead, along with extra ones that the machine gave us for Philharmagic. So it was off to the "ghosts." I was a little concerned that it might be a bit much for Owen, but he seemed to take it all in stride. The only part he didn't like was when the cars go backwards and downhill into the graveyard set - which I really disliked until about age 8, so I can't blame him. They had made some changes to the ride since our last visit, which I really liked, and Patrick, being the theater guy, told us how he figured the dancing ghosts in the ballroom are done (brilliantly simple, once he explained it, and no I'm not telling). There are a lot fewer ghouls popping up from behind objects in the attic and graveyard, which I think was part of the reason it was a success for Owen.

It was time for our Fastpasses. The Philharmagic show was not only for an earlier time than the Pooh ride, but also on the way, so we stopped in first. It was quite obvious that they are giving out freebie passes to it because no one is going otherwise, which turned out to be quite a shame, as it was actually a pretty cool show. It's a 4-D show (i.e. 3-D, plus effects like blowing wind and mist) that features Donald Duck searching through a medley of Disney musical numbers for Mickey's "Sorceror's Apprentice" hat. It's funny, it's 3-D, it's air-conditioned, it's got about six or seven of your favorite Disney songs. It's also got an absolutely terrible name. Really - "Philharmagic"? Let's see, it's an awkward pun on a word half the visitors won't recognize in the first place, telling us almost nothing about the attraction. Come on, call it "Donald's 4-D Musical Adventures" or something at least slightly informative.
Anyway, it is worthwhile.

After the Philharmagic show (seriously, it's almost painful typing that word), we went on the Pooh ride again just for Owen. Then it was over to Toontown, which is the only part of the park at none of us knew well (as Patrick and I were pretty much too old for it back when it first opened). We were hopeful that Owen would be both tall enough and willing to ride the Goofy Barnstormer kiddie coaster. The "willing" part was sorted as soon as he saw it. "Train! Train!" The "tall" part, well, I admit to holding my breath as he walked up to the post to be measured. He just made it. There was almost no line. And we were assigned to the front of the train! Woo hoo!! Eric rode with Owen in the very front, with the rest of us in the 2nd and 3rd cars. Dad videotaped the whole ride (which is short but good fun). When we got off: "Do you want to go again?" "YEAH!" And then we landed the first car AGAIN!! (Note, if you haven't been to Disney: unlike all other amusement parks, they do not let you wait extra turns for the front car. You get the car you are assigned to, and that's that.) So for the second ride he went with me and Eric rode behind us. Hooray for a great first roller coaster experience!

Our next stop was to meet Mickey and Minnie. They have a permanent staging area now, which is really cool, because when I was a kid you just had to hope to run into Mickey out doing photos. The waiting area is air-conditioned with old cartoons playing on a big screen, and there are about five different rooms, each with a Mickey and Minnie and a photographer in them. You get shepherded into one of them for pictures. Owen ran right up to Minnie and gave her a big hug. Very, very cute. Eric missed this part because he left while we were in line to catch the bus out to Orlando airport to pick up our rental car.

Owen could have spent a lot more time playing in the Toontown playgrounds, but it was high time for lunch. We found cheeseburgers and, just as importantly, air-conditioned indoor seating at the big Tomorrowland place. After that, we figured we would take the train back from Toontown to Frontierland to take Owen on a second ride on Pirates of the Caribbean, as well as the Tiki Room and the Aladdin's Magic Carpet ride, before heading back to the hotel to meet Eric at the car.

Things didn't quite work out that way, because Owen was even more tired than we realized. As we got off the train, he started asking for his pacifier. "Pacis are for sleeping. Are you ready to sleep?" "Yeah." "Don't you want to ride Pirates?" "No." Sure enough, we put him in the stroller, and in the three minutes it took to walk from the train station to Pirates, he was dead asleep.

We looked at each other. It was pushing 100 degrees and very crowded. It was 1:45. Eric was catching a 2:15 shuttle to the airport, an hour-long ride; he then had to pick up the rental car and drive all the way back (not as far, because the shuttle had multiple stops, but at least half an hour). We had at least two hours to kill, and we had ridden all the rides we cared about. Owen would be asleep for who knows how long. What to do?

The brilliant answer: Leave the park, take the monorail to the Polynesian, and find a bar. An indoor, air-conditioned, nearly empty bar serving frozen drinks. As a bonus, the bar in question also had the World Cup on the TV. Owen slept in the stroller. We had pina coladas and watched soccer. Mom and I went window shopping around the resort. When Owen woke up, we took him to play in the arcade. It was a huge win all around.

Eric eventually called to let us know he had picked up the car, and we started back for Pop Century. With one last refill of our all-you-can-drink mugs, we were off for my grandmother's house on the coast, telling Owen to wave bye-bye to Disney World, and navigating Florida's ridiculous array of toll booths. And that was that.

Just before the move, we were telling some friends who have never been to Disney about our planned trip. They asked me what my favorite ride was. It took me a moment to realize, and explain, that that question totally misses the point. I know Disney is a megacorporation that, like all corporations, is ultimately about profit. I can deconstruct the harmful gender implications of the ubiquitous Disney Princesses as savagely as the next English major. I know that everything I see in the parks is carefully composed artifice.

I don't care.

It's my family's vacation spot. It really is magic. And yes, I'm already looking forward to the next visit.